I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
