It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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