so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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