i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
