Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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