Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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