She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
