Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
