I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
