Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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