Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
