Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my shit smells like andre
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
40s are totally the cure
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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