i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
