I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
