Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
