Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
