I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
