I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The air was thick with penises
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
