he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.