I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?