The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after