sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder