I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy