I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.