I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
