i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
