I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
