Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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