A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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