ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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