Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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