i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
