And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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