would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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