This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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