i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
