So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
