watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
