Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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