Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
