Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize