4 words: hood of his car
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
