Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just threw up on my dentist
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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