Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
