Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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