Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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