I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
