I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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