Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
