It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
