Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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