yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize