dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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