I didn't shave. On purpose
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
