He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
