question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
