I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
