I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
