you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
