I think I won the penis lottery.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
