I wish I could teleport
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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