All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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