if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
