I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
