So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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