Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she told me i tasted like america
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
