JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
