he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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