you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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