I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
