why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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