I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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