pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
