God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are the jesus of drinking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
