i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
