so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
