Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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