Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
