Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then my night got REAL pukey
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Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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