Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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