so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
