You can't special order awesome
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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