I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.