I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial