Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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  (480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i
  Replies (14) Good night (1973) Bad night (638)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (1120) Bad night (4317)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  if i died would you start the facebook group?

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  (330): if i died would you start the facebook group? http://tfl.nu/beoo
  Replies (27) Good night (4490) Bad night (1257)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6668) Bad night (979)
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  (650): View more from California

  You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.

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  (650): You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/2plm
  Replies (14) Good night (5737) Bad night (1221)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

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  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (6004) Bad night (1512)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoa, Gary Coleman died

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Whatchu talkin bout?!?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Too soon.

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  (847): Whoa, Gary Coleman died (224): Whatchu talkin bout?!?! (847): Too soon. http://tfl.nu/36gw
  Replies (49) Good night (7237) Bad night (1954)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

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  (215): you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger. http://tfl.nu/jxnv
  Replies (16) Good night (3612) Bad night (3946)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3946) Bad night (1128)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?

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  (209): I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry? http://tfl.nu/5luf
  Replies (15) Good night (663) Bad night (1560)
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  (002): View more from

  There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink

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  (002): There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink http://tfl.nu/tsjq
  Replies (8) Good night (1867) Bad night (532)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me

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  (228): Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me http://tfl.nu/rhlr
  Replies (8) Good night (900) Bad night (339)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  How are you getting in?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I know some influential drag queens

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  (561): How are you getting in? (770): I know some influential drag queens http://tfl.nu/m97v
  Replies (0) Good night (650) Bad night (353)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S

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  (501): if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S http://tfl.nu/vq6v
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (520)
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  (951): View more from California

  It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.

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  (951): It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/jm52
  Replies (0) Good night (546) Bad night (302)

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