Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7273) Bad night (962)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

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  (703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out. (1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend. http://tfl.nu/y4qo
  Replies (24) Good night (5380) Bad night (1104)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

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  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7783) Bad night (967)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one

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  (613): You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one http://tfl.nu/l60l
  Replies (5) Good night (5061) Bad night (1033)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested

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  (217): Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested http://tfl.nu/xgcc
  Replies (3) Good night (2597) Bad night (747)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4451) Bad night (868)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork

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  (412): im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork http://tfl.nu/m3k8
  Replies (10) Good night (2718) Bad night (1312)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.

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  (520): I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck. http://tfl.nu/n97c
  Replies (8) Good night (2793) Bad night (1213)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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  (905): I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time. http://tfl.nu/shdn
  Replies (13) Good night (583) Bad night (1669)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really alive right now?

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  (612): Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath. (1-612): Are you really alive right now? http://tfl.nu/b3cy
  Replies (5) Good night (1705) Bad night (594)
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  (760): View more from California

  Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly

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  (760): Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly http://tfl.nu/j8y5
  Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (450)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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  (920): We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/65r6
  Replies (1) Good night (821) Bad night (378)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"

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  (920): Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!" http://tfl.nu/2v59
  Replies (0) Good night (836) Bad night (328)
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  (044): View more from

  fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face

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  (044): fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face http://tfl.nu/nkp3
  Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (265)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.

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  (425): So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy. http://tfl.nu/7bpm
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (349)

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