Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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