You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.