I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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