similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams