Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
